The next step, of course, was blood work every 2-3 days to make sure my HCG was about doubling each time. Even though my progesterone blood work results looked fine, I was also prescribed Endometrin, which is a fancy progesterone insert that works like a tampon. They prescribed it for twice a day until I was 10 weeks pregnant just as a precaution since I've had two losses, and I was happy to embark on the vagina pill adventure if it helped thicken my uterine lining to keep this little one snuggly implanted!
I felt reassured, but also pretty gross and bloated. It was a bit messy too. Panty liners became a friend again.
Of course, I was often scared of losing this baby just like the last two. Every little cramp was terrifying and ruined my day, and I became afraid of using the bathroom again, for fear there would be familiar blood. Still, I decided to keep celebrating! "Today I am pregnant!"
I'll never forget the moment when the fertility center called with my blood work results and said
"Congratulations! You're definitely pregnant!"
and again when they called to tell me that my HCG had MORE than doubled from the first blood test!
"Congratulations! You're definitely pregnant!"
and again when they called to tell me that my HCG had MORE than doubled from the first blood test!
Telling people was a joy! I made another batch of cinnamon rolls that we took to our parents' houses with a note and pregnancy test on top reading, "From my oven!".
We are all over the moon and totally obsessed!
I bought a shirt for Permelia to surprise friends when they come over for our Christmas movie nights:
We told our friends at church, and it was way more beautiful than I imagined it would be.
As I've said before, struggling with infertility also meant struggling with my faith. I was finally coming around to going back to church this month and being with the people who sometimes trigger sadness and comparison in me. That night during worship, I felt like I could begin to let go of the things that were making my heart so bitter. I kept telling God "I don't deserve this! Thank you! Please keep our baby safe and protect them." My cheeks burned with his presence. I felt like he said to me, "Your baby will be pressed against your cheek during worship time next year".
After the service, I hugged my friends and whispered our news in their ears. We cried, we hugged, we prayed, we screamed, and we celebrated! I think I underestimated how invested everyone is and has been in all of this, and how excited everyone would be!
Baby Smith, you were only the size of a peppercorn at the time,
but you already had an army of people who love you!
On December 20th, 2017, I had my FIRST ULTRASOUND WITH AN ACTUAL BABY IN IT.
You were EASILY the best Christmas present, and not just for us!
On December 27th, 2017, we heard your heartbeat for the first time!
While all of the signs were looking great, it was still hard not to worry about how you were doing between ultrasounds. I remember praying "Jesus, protect. Jesus, intervene." all the way to our fertility specialists' appointments. On January 3rd, 2018, we had another ultrasound, confirming your healthy growth and your continuous strong heartbeat! We left the specialists' without needing to make another appointment. We had graduated to seeing a regular OBGYN!
For my 30th birthday, I treated myself to a fetal doppler so I could listen to the sweet sound of your heartbeat whenever I wanted! Best birthday present purchase ever.
The tiredness, nausea, food aversions, hormones, and cravings really started to ramp up in January and February. This is me crying under a blanket because there was nothing in the house to eat. (Ok, there was nothing I WANTED!) I really wanted Chick-Fil-Abut it was too far away, we were taking too long to figure out what to eat, and it was already 9pm. I was so stressed out and certain we'd never eat!
(blanket pic)
Despite all of the weird tears, I was SO happy. Here's a picture of me glowing at the beginning of my second trimester with you.
At the beginning of March, I had some spotting and it was traumatic for me. Rob was a rock and reminded me not to worry. You continued to do great! I kept using my fetal doppler to listen to your heartbeat and swooshing movements every morning.
I had spent the last decade or so designing cakes for everyone else's babies, and it was so beyond special and exciting to design the gender reveal cake for our own baby! Finding out if you were a boy or a girl was seriously one of the most exciting things about pregnancy. I obsessed and dreamed and had 2 registries set up for either gender!
On March 29th, 2018, our world changed forever at your anatomy scan! We watched in awe of you, our healthy, wiggly, little baby! We asked the ultrasound tech to conceal your gender from us and put the announcement in an envelope for our parents, who hosted a gender reveal party for us! We somehow managed not to peek and gave the envelope to my Mom, who sneakily filled the cake with pink or blue icing and concealed it from the outside so I could finish decorating it before we got together with our families to celebrate!
We fell deeper in love with you when we learned that you are a...
The next day, of course, meant a shopping trip with your Mommom to buy you some clothes and things for your nursery! Oh, what fun! You brought joy to our Easter table after so many years of funeral flowers and grief-filled hearts.
Here I am 6 months pregnant with you in your newly painted and decorated nursery!
Another picture at 6 months:
On June 29th, 2018, we saw a glimpse of your precious, squishy little face! You were so squished up against our placenta that it was hard for the ultrasound tech to get a picture of your whole face!
You had a beautiful baby shower!
Your nursery quickly became the most decorated room in the house!
After everything we went through, I was constantly in awe of how smoothly pregnancy was going. I totally expected to be on pins and needles through the whole thing, but there was so much peace, support, and reassurance. I felt like I never wanted pregnancy to be over so much of the time. Every kick and movement brought a smile to my face. You loved to kick and push your foot into my right side, I can still feel it!
As I became full-term, it was such a wonderful shift to go from seeing signs of labor as an impending loss to seeing them as signs of the impending arrival of our perfect baby girl!
Here we are when I was 9 months pregnant with you! I loved to feel all of your swooshy movements, your foot running up and down my side, your kicks, and your hiccups! Every day I carried you was a tremendous gift. We still couldn't wait to see your sweet face and hold you in our arms, though! We were so full of expectancy, anxiousness, and excitement because we knew it could be any day!
You were EASILY the best Christmas present, and not just for us!
On December 27th, 2017, we heard your heartbeat for the first time!
While all of the signs were looking great, it was still hard not to worry about how you were doing between ultrasounds. I remember praying "Jesus, protect. Jesus, intervene." all the way to our fertility specialists' appointments. On January 3rd, 2018, we had another ultrasound, confirming your healthy growth and your continuous strong heartbeat! We left the specialists' without needing to make another appointment. We had graduated to seeing a regular OBGYN!
For my 30th birthday, I treated myself to a fetal doppler so I could listen to the sweet sound of your heartbeat whenever I wanted! Best birthday present purchase ever.
The tiredness, nausea, food aversions, hormones, and cravings really started to ramp up in January and February. This is me crying under a blanket because there was nothing in the house to eat. (Ok, there was nothing I WANTED!) I really wanted Chick-Fil-Abut it was too far away, we were taking too long to figure out what to eat, and it was already 9pm. I was so stressed out and certain we'd never eat!
(blanket pic)
Despite all of the weird tears, I was SO happy. Here's a picture of me glowing at the beginning of my second trimester with you.
At the beginning of March, I had some spotting and it was traumatic for me. Rob was a rock and reminded me not to worry. You continued to do great! I kept using my fetal doppler to listen to your heartbeat and swooshing movements every morning.
I had spent the last decade or so designing cakes for everyone else's babies, and it was so beyond special and exciting to design the gender reveal cake for our own baby! Finding out if you were a boy or a girl was seriously one of the most exciting things about pregnancy. I obsessed and dreamed and had 2 registries set up for either gender!
On March 29th, 2018, our world changed forever at your anatomy scan! We watched in awe of you, our healthy, wiggly, little baby! We asked the ultrasound tech to conceal your gender from us and put the announcement in an envelope for our parents, who hosted a gender reveal party for us! We somehow managed not to peek and gave the envelope to my Mom, who sneakily filled the cake with pink or blue icing and concealed it from the outside so I could finish decorating it before we got together with our families to celebrate!
We fell deeper in love with you when we learned that you are a...
The next day, of course, meant a shopping trip with your Mommom to buy you some clothes and things for your nursery! Oh, what fun! You brought joy to our Easter table after so many years of funeral flowers and grief-filled hearts.
Here I am 6 months pregnant with you in your newly painted and decorated nursery!
Another picture at 6 months:
On June 29th, 2018, we saw a glimpse of your precious, squishy little face! You were so squished up against our placenta that it was hard for the ultrasound tech to get a picture of your whole face!
You had a beautiful baby shower!
Your nursery quickly became the most decorated room in the house!
After everything we went through, I was constantly in awe of how smoothly pregnancy was going. I totally expected to be on pins and needles through the whole thing, but there was so much peace, support, and reassurance. I felt like I never wanted pregnancy to be over so much of the time. Every kick and movement brought a smile to my face. You loved to kick and push your foot into my right side, I can still feel it!
As I became full-term, it was such a wonderful shift to go from seeing signs of labor as an impending loss to seeing them as signs of the impending arrival of our perfect baby girl!
Here we are when I was 9 months pregnant with you! I loved to feel all of your swooshy movements, your foot running up and down my side, your kicks, and your hiccups! Every day I carried you was a tremendous gift. We still couldn't wait to see your sweet face and hold you in our arms, though! We were so full of expectancy, anxiousness, and excitement because we knew it could be any day!
